


Three Double Rolls: A One-way Ticket to Jail

by kurofu



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: And figuratively, Both literally, Gen, Harry calls Voldemort 'Tom', Harry cusses, Harry regrets introducing Monopoly to Voldemort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Monopoly (Board Game), Poor Purebloods, They're "friends", Tom doesnt like to lose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 01:50:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14945372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurofu/pseuds/kurofu
Summary: Harry decides to teach Tom how to play an innocuous board game. Obviously the Dark Lord manages to corrupt even aboard game.Harry regrets and bemoans the future of the wizarding world.Cue screaming, tantrums, and gambling.





	Three Double Rolls: A One-way Ticket to Jail

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Earth_Phoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earth_Phoenix/gifts).



> Prompt-fill for a Discord prompt on Monopoly.
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm not British, I just googled the UK version and used it.
> 
> (Kind-of mad that the new versions no longer have the Top-Hat)

“Harry..." Lord Voldemort asked hesitantly, "What... are you doing?"

 

"Huh?" Harry looks down at the board game he was setting, "Oh, we're going to play _Monopoly_!"

 

" _Monopoly_?"

 

"Yeah! A really fun muggle board game!" Harry exclaimed, "Here," he passed the Dark Lord a silver object, "You'll be the Top-Hat, and I'll be the Scottie."

 

°°°

 

Lord Voldemort stared at the board setting in front of him, the die being cradled in his hands awkwardly. "Harry, what do I do?"

 

Harry just gave him a tired, blank and disbelieving face--a _"I just explained the rules three times, and you still don't fucking understand it?_ face. He ended up sighing and rubbing his temples, "Just roll the die, Tom, and move your piece. Honestly, it's not that hard." So much for the world's most fearsome and smartest Dark Lord.

 

Harry watched as the Dark Lord pathetically tossed the die, it barely tumbled, and landed on a 'four'. Lord Voldemort picked up his Top-Hat and began to move, "One, two, three, four", and Harry instantly perked up.

 

"Hah! Income Tax! On the first roll!"

 

Lord Voldemort sent a stinging hex to the hysterically laughing Boy-Who-Lives-To-Annoy, and glared at the pair of die, as if it had betrayed him. He slapped down a 200, and growled, "It's your turn. Harry."

 

Wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, Harry carelessly rolled a 'nine', "Ooh, Pentonville Road!"

 

°°°

 

" _Another_ Community Chest? How many is this?"

 

"Only 5. Oh look, Harry, the bank malfunctioned, £200 please."

 

°°°

 

The Top-Hat was slammed down so hard, a hole was nearly punched through the thick cardboard. "How much, _Harry?_ " Parseltongue slipping through English.

 

"It's not that much," Harry sighed, before shuffling through his deck, "Um... £90? Yeah, £90."

 

" _£90_ isn't much at _all_."

 

The sound of paper being roughly thrusted could be heard.

 

°°°

 

"Here, £150. Give me a house." The Dark Lord smirked, smug, as if he hadn't lost £854 in the last three rounds.

 

Harry looked at his Scottie and his pile of cash, "Merlin, Tom, that's your _seventh_ house on the red lane _alone_." He hissed, "Lay it, will you?"

 

Lord Voldemort sat back and considered, but when he saw hope building in the other's eyes, "Nope." He even popped the 'P' that the boy so annoyingly loved to do.

 

Harry gaped at the Dark Lord. "You prat!" Harry shrieked, "You're fucking unbelievable!"

 

°°°

The chair screeched against the floor as it was suddenly shoved back.

 

"Fuck you, Tom, fuck you!"

 

In reply Lord Voldemort only laughed.

 

"Fuck you! You fucking bankrupted me! _Bankrupt!_ " The boy accused, all the while pointing at the fallen Scottie-Dog on a very loaded Mayfair.

 

And what did the Dark Lord do in response?

 

The bastard cackled even louder as he hoarded his new assets.

 

°°°

 

_Three Months Later_

 

The heavy wooden doors banged open, and a figure hurried in, ducking a savage curse sent its way.

 

"Tom! Tom, Tom, Tom, To--what are you doing?" Harry asked when he skidded to a stop beside Lord Voldemort, leaning in the Dark Lord's space to get better view.

 

Annoyed that his sight was blocked by a mass of messy black curls, Lord Voldemort pushed the boy aside, ignoring the 'oompfh' he made when he fell. "Monopoly, and what have I told you to call me when my followers are here?"

 

"Oh, Monopoly," Harry said, draping himself on the Dark Lord, deftly ignoring the last phrase. He rested his chin on the Dark Lord's bony shoulder, humming in thought as he looked at the board. "Wait--your followers? You're playing Monopoly with _your followers_? A _muggle--_ "

 

"It's not muggle."

 

Harry was about to retort when he saw something like silver fire in his peripherals.

 

A tiny silver dragon just spouted fire.

 

Then he looked around, and yup, definitely not muggle. Tiny animate magical beasts in place of the lifeless muggle pieces, the places of wizarding Britain on the spaces, and magical portraits of each place--not muggle. Also the board was _massive_ , covering what Harry believed was two large dining tables pushed together. All the better to play with, he supposed, noting that all of the Inner Circle was present.

 

"So... What are you guys using as currency?" Harry asked instead, noticing that there was no fake money present.

 

"Why, Galleons, of course."

 

Harry stumbled from his relaxed position. "G-Galleons?!" He stuttered in disbelief after he righted himself.

 

The Dark Lord turned his head to face him, expression bored as he explained. "Yes, Galleons. Makes the game much more interesting, a much higher stake. How else am I supposed to... _connect_ with my followers, as you so love to say.

 

"Besides, it's a nice way to earn pocket change."

 

Harry definitely heard more than three whimpers from the Purebloods.

 

°°°

 

And Lord Voldemort won a lot of pocket change. Enough to fund the Boy-Who-Lived's treacle tart addiction for six years.

 

°°°

 

"Tom?"

 

"Yes, Harry?"

 

"Why did I get a letter from Professor Dumbledore asking about the rules of Monopoly?"

 

"Well, we decided instead of a war, we'll settle with a round of Monopoly instead."

 

"..."

 

"We've even decided for it to be a real-life version, so it will somewhat still be like a war."

 

"..."

 

"What?"

 

"Oh for fuck's sake, Tom!"

**Author's Note:**

> Did you know?  
> Monopoly was first known as _The Landlord's Game_ from 1903.  
>  The modern, classic Monopoly board has not change since its licensing in 1935.  
> In 1941, the British licensed the game in order to aid escaping POWs in Nazi imprisonment.
> 
> So basically Tom may have played Monopoly before and may have just led Harry by the nose that he was a Monopoly genius.


End file.
